Death Letter To Loved Ones

Here is a transcription of a “Death Letter” that came to me as stream of consciousness in a hypnagogic state while in bed about a year ago. I posted the audio recording on youtube.

What would that letter say to all the people whom I love when my physical body no longer exists?

The first thing I would say is,

that I love you.

Very deeply.

In totality.

I love you.

I love every bit of you.

I love your body.

I love your soul.

I love your mind.
I love your heart.

I love your emotions.

I love the way you interact with the world,

your personality,

the words you use,

and the times of which you are silent.

I love when you are waking,

and I love when you are sleeping.

I love you in all seasons.

Bu I most especially love you when you are…

when you are having a hard time.

I most especially love you when you have doubt of the future or regrets of the past.

When you feel your own pain and sorrow. The cracks in who you are.

I love you.

I love you from the aesthetic of wabi sabi,

where I honor all imperfections as beauty.

I love you.

I love you in such a way that brings tears to my eyes.

With that love,

I can never go away.

Because love is the the essential energy of existence.


It is the thing that transforms periodic elements into life itself.

Love is God.

Love is the invisible that animates everything.

Love is what allows us to exist.

And so with the amount of love I have for you…

I am in the ocean.

We, in these physical bodies, are simply waves on top of the ocean.

Simply drops of water in a waterfall.

We come from the same source.

And we end in the same source.

I want you to know that I am around you

and inside of you.

I want you to know that I am the clouds.

Shifting shapes.

You can know me by watching the clouds.

You can know me by listening to the wind and feeling the wind kiss your face.

I am the wind.

You can know me by having your bare feet on the ground.

Foundation. Solidness. Ground reference.

I am the soil.

You can know me as the seasons.

The seasons are as my emotions.

Rise and fall.

I am the seasons.

I am the moon watching.

Always watching.

I am the moon.

I am the birds. And especially the ravens, crows and bluejays.

I am especially those birds.

I am the magpie.

I am in the sky.

And I like to laugh.

I like to make jokes.

I like to play and I am curious.

I am the birds.

I am the trees rooted deep in the ground.

I am the trees of which you can lean upon.

I ask that you respect the trees.

Honor the trees.

I am the trees.

I am the forest.

I listen through the trees.

I am in words.

I am in all words,

but I am in especially the words of the Tao Te Ching.

I am in the words especially of Walt Whitman’s poetry.

I am in the words of Henry David Thoreau’s books.

I am in those words.

I am in music.

I am in vibration.

I am in song.

I am in chanting.

I am in the song of Santana Soul Sacrifice.

I am in the song of Jimi Hendrix Voodoo Child and Hear my Train Coming.

I am in the song of Chopin.

I am in the song of Erik Satie. Very much.

I am in the song of Jon Hassell.

I am in the song of Miles Davis.

I am in the song of Skip James and John Lee Hooker.


I am in that music.

I am in the music of drum circles under bridges and at festivals.

I am in the fire in the center of the circles.

Transmuting, changing and evolving.

I am the old nails holding up the old barns.

I am in the photographs of loved ones past. Long ago.

I am in the window panes. Especially the ones of which the glass is sagging.

I am in the teakettle about to be poured as tea.

I am in lockets.

I am in handmade pottery.

Right inside of it.

I am the frog with a coin in it’s mouth.

I am the two ducks by the door.

I am the color pink.
I am the color green.
I am the color brown.

I am the color orange.

Yes. I am the color red.

And I am the color blue.

I am the night and I am the day.

I am the arrow.

I am the springs dripping from the edges of mountains.

I am in the center of flowers blooming in Spring.

I am the bumblebees doing their dance.

I am in the smell of lilac, and wisteria and rose.

I am many tastes.

But I am especially the taste of Lomatium.
The root of Lomatium columbianum specifically.
I am the taste of Artemeisa tridentata. Sagebrush.

You can see my form in the smoke of sage.

In the smoke of mugwort and cedar.

You can hear my voice in the bubbling of mountain creeks.

You can arrange stones as circles and you will find me in the center of the circle.

You will find me in the waves upon the sand on the beach.

I am emergence of birds.

I am in caves where you can hear your own echo.

I am in intuitions and premonitions and synchronicities. Serendipity.

I am in your heart.

And I am in your heart and in sadness, and in fear, and in anger.

I am in the passenger seat of your car.

I am in the garden.

And like to be tended to.

If you grow fruit and vegetables. You will taste me.

If you mend a fence. You will know me.

If you split wood. You will sense me.

If you stack stones upon each other. You will connect with me.


I am the block of wood,

yet uncarved.

I am in the space between…


What they say “reading between the lines”.

I am in the space between zero’s and one’s.

Between life and death.

Between aboveground and underground.

Between this and that.

I am in the edge.

Look for the edge.

You will find me in the edge.

You will find me in the infinitely small.

You will find me in cycles of which are instantaneous.


You will find me in living waters in your own eyes.

You can hear me in your own heartbeat. Especially the third beat.

You can hear me in the note of D.

While looking at the color orange.

Find solace that I am around. That I love you.

Find solace that we are around. And we love you.

Love you.


Take a handful of soil.

Lift it into the air.

And let it sift through your hands.

Take a cube of ice.

Watch it till it melts.

In your hand.

Speak on behalf of those who do not have a voice.

The tree people.
The animal people.

The river people.

The wind people.

You can honor me by honoring nature.

The sacredness of nature.

The sacredness of life.

Honor me by protecting.

Honor me by protecting nature.

Honor me by speaking your truth.
Honor me by inoculating yourself against mind-control.

Honor me by being in integrity.

Honor me with humility and compassion for other things.

Including non-humans.

Honor me by taking part in the finer things in life.

By writing and reading poetry.
By making music.

By having spaciousness.

Honor me by going for a walk.

Every day.

Out in nature.

Honor me by looking into your loved ones eyes.

Honor me by letting go of your fists and opening your hands.

Honor me by bringing forth the creations that are inside of you.
Do not let the creations inside of you die in the grave.

Honor me by listening.

Honor through silence.

Perhaps Water Ouzel Manifested From The Rocks Themselves

I am as enthralled and enchanted with the American Water Dipper as John Muir once was. Indeed it was his favorite bird.

This demure brown bird about the size of a robin lives in cold mountain streams and near waterfalls. It is so incredibly at home in the water – more so than even ducks which often come back to land. Their very complex and always unique song is akin to a parrot in its language. But unlike other birds, it seems the Water Dipper sings to the river itself or simply because it cannot contain its ecstastic love for the flowing water. You can’t even hear its song that well because it is so interwoven with the gurgles and crash of rapids and waterfalls. It can usually be heard from above the stream bank a little easier.

John Muir was enraptured with the bird because it seems to retain its joyous happiness even in the darkest and coldest winters when all other animals are hunkered down wishing for spring. The Water Dipper reminds us that we can be at home anywhere – even the harshest environments. To be happy and live in joy no matter how damp, grey and “dreary” that others bemoan. To be one with your environment. To be in love with the elements.

It’s understandable when animals love each other within the same species. It’s precious when animals love other species, such as when a dog mothers a fawn. But it is downright profound to behold animals in love with elements within Nature. I’ve seen this by the way a dying bee clings to a clover flower such that I was overcome by the realization of how much love the bee had towards the flower. How much comfort and joy flowers brings to this insect. I’ve seen cows and horses leap with glee upon being put out to pasture. In love with open spaces and green grasses. I’ve seen my crow, Keiko, appreciate the colors of the setting sun. I’ve seen birds of all kind do the “rain dance” when misted by rain. A dance of wild ecstasy. But the greatest love, comfort and joy I’ve seen in an animal is the Water Ouzel with water.

So at home in the water, I wondered if perhaps it originated from water itself. Perhaps the droplets of water congealed with divinity to give rise to the Water Dipper. But when I considered this more I realized perhaps the Water Ouzel manifested from the river stones instead.

Indeed when searching for the Water Ouzel, it is hard to differentiate between the rocks. It is the same color, same size, same shape as the stones they hop upon.

Besides the beautiful voice, another notable feature of the Water Ouzel is how it bobs its body up and down. Bouncing in a motion like a child excited to begin. I’m reminded of the shaking motion we do in Qi Gong to move energy and break up stagnation.

Perhaps – I wonder – the water dipper manifested from the river rocks. Animated by the love they have for its flowing companion of water. Perhaps it can only remain in bird form for as long as it sings its song and dips its body up and down. For if they forget to sing and dance they’re sure to transform back into the rocks they came from.

Maybe we can take note from the water ouzel. Maybe we loose our vitality when we forget to sing and dance. Maybe we loose our magic when we fail to see the joy of our life and environment.

Give love to the elements. Dance in the rain. Let the sunsets move you to tears. Let wind whisper sweetness to your ears. Let the smell of forest and desert remind you of something which will never be explained. Be held by nature as you behold its timeless splendor.

The Magic Of 2022-02-22 2:22pm

Today is 2022-02-22. An alignment of this many numbers is uncommon.

I began today with my usual leaning into work where I did some plasma cutting and shop clean up. But the most auspicious time of 2:22 2/2/2022 was fast approaching.

In 2019, my Prius was about to turn 222,222 miles. Curious where I would end up, I kept driving till it turned over. I found myself at a place called “Friday Creek”. From here I found and crawled into a large hollowed tree and read the words “Not All Who Wander Are Lost” written on the inside. A potent message that was important to me during that time. I live for these magical happenings.

Certainly this looming time today had potential for similar discovery of magic.

I decided to head North in order to get away from the more busy Columbia Gorge. I could “smell” the scent of magic in that direction. I knew it would be in a place I had never been before.

Onward I went. Past Troutlake. Then right onto road 88. I went as far as I could till the road was no longer plowed. This happened to be a snow park. I ventured over the giant burm of plowed ice and scurried into the unmarked wintry forest. At this point I only had several minutes to find my magic place. So I walked through the forest while keeping track of time. At 2:22 I was in front of a tree which a sign stapled to it stating:

“Boundary. Cutting Unit. Lipo. Unit #19.”

I walked past this tree at 2:22 and during that same minute found a wellspring coming from a old stump nearby

I marveled at how I found an unmarked spring on my auspicious hunt. I went quite a bit further and sat on a stump in the sun and video recorded the meaning of what I had found.

Here is a summary of the meaning that I found.

I often ask the universe/source/spirit/god to give me magical signs that guide my life to be clear. So often magic can be so exceedingly obscure that it is difficult to get a clear answer. So I have requested universe to give me signs written in plain English. These signs have manifested in the example of finding the painting and note on the barbed wire fence which matched the poem that came to mind while playing piano a few days prior. Has manifested with a medicine woman telling me to be a hollow bone, then being magically led to a hollow tree the next day. Has manifested with finding a quote from a Rumi tarot type card in the weeds randomly. Has manifested with the quote I found inside the hollow tree when my prius turned 222,222.

And so here is a sign that says “Boundary” and “Cutting”. What do these words mean to me?

Well let’s add more context, recently I had a very meaningful and potent dream. I will rewrite the dream here:I was in some position of law enforcement and was going to a neighborhood to check out a werewolf prop that someone had put up. This werewolf head somehow landed on my windshield where I could really see the details. It was like one of those gruesome wolf masks you see at Halloween shops and was incredibly realistic. Very scary but nonetheless fake. I thought the neighbors were overreacting with what appeared to be a prank from some kid. But in hearing more of the story from the neighbors, I found out this has been going on for some time and the werewolf prop had been moved around strategically in a way to intimidate people.

The scene changed and I witnessed a group of vampires who would move this werewolf prop. When they realized they were being watched, they wrapped themselves in their black cloaks and disappeared back into the forest. It is unknown whether they were real vampires or if they were people pretending to be vampires.

The scene changed to my Grandma’s land. Here I did energy work to protect the land from these nefarious beings. I said words like “release, clarify, protection, harmony” while physically using my hands to move unwanted energy away from the land. I had a handful of long pine needles which I had “charged” to be protective talismans – for lack of a better word. I went to each corner of the land to plant one of these magic pine needles to create an energetic protective fence around the land.

While I was working on energy clearing and protection, I was also aware that I had a clone of myself sitting in the passenger seat of my car out front of the house. This clone of myself was deeply sleeping – or perhaps it was out of consciousness – or perhaps it was dying. I was concerned about my clone self and cared for it as if it was my child, however I couldn’t attend to it. I couldn’t help him. Because I was doing energy clearing for others. I also wasn’t able to plant the last corner with the last pine needle before I woke up.
I remember the feeling of moving energy. I remember the concern and fear I had for the well-being of my clone self.

This dream can be summarized as there are “vampires” in my life that take my attention away from my primary path to the detriment of my well-being. This aligns with my feeling that my attention has become so diluted away from the things I was put here to do.

So what is the answer? The answer is to have better boundaries and to cut the things which are energy (blood) suckers. Let’s explore further…

The Rumi card I found in weeds a few months ago has two meanings. It said “If you become a lion, love will become a lion hunter.” This means if I become prideful then love will predate me. Whereas if I embody the positive qualities of a lion such as being courageous, then love will pleasantly seek and befriend me. The phrase can be read in two opposing ways.

I need to have better boundaries with what I say yes to. Better boundaries with what I invest my time into. I need to have more boundaries.

Conversely I also need to evaluate the walls that I hold around myself and my heart. I need to cut the blockages that hold me back.

With the word “Cutting”. This also has two meanings. It means I need to cut the things in my life which do not serve towards the greatest harmony. This goes hand-in-hand with boundaries.

Conversely how I am cutting myself off from source authenticity. Just as I need to find and dissolve the boundaries/blockages to flow, I must also find and dissolve that which severs this flow. “Blockages” (boundaries) are static things, whereas “severing” (cutting) are actions that cut the flow.

There are always two sides to every coin you find.

Let’s take this further and look into numerology. The sign also said “Unit 19”.

The number 19 is both 1 and 9. This number contains beginning cycle and ending cycle numbers. When you add these two numbers it equals 10, which reduces (1+0) to 1. Number 1 is the beginning of a cycle. The beginning of a new era. A new way of being. A new way of being was born from the union of beginnings and ends.

How relevant it is then that I crossed an invisible boundary between this and that as marked by number 19 during 2:22 2/22/2022. I am grateful my signs often come as literal signs.

In this amplified time of “two” there are two things which come to mind. That of relationship and that of polarity. It is a time to reflect on relationships with others and to observe how female and male create fertile polarity/dichotomy just as winter begets summer. Night informs the day. Death defines birth. And visa versa.

It is incredible to find an unmarked secret spring in the middle of the forest by chance. And it is especially potent for it to be revealed at such a powerful alignment of two’s. What does the spring mean?

A spring represents yet another dichotomy. It is the point where water (symbolic of consciousness) goes from its etheric, dark, dream realm into the manifested, above-ground realm of sunlight. It is the source of a cycle because it is where it both ends and starts (19 = 1+9 = 10 = 1+0 = 1). It reminds me of the importance to have a foot in both realms simultaneously. The dream world and the get-er-done world. As a creative, it is important for me to pull from the realm of ideas and make them into reality. Poems, sculpture, music, dance, events, structures and methods. I imagine mountain springs are where the creative muses live. I am quite fond of collaborating with the fleeting creative muses that come to me.

And so the wisdom I received on 2:22 2/2/2022…

Evaluate my life for blockages while enacting healthy boundaries.

Evaluate my life for how I cut myself from source, while also severing the things which do not help greatest harmony.

A reminder to manifest my dreams in flow state just as the mountain springs do.

That everything has two non-exclusive interpretations.

A confirmation that magic can be found if you are willing to look for it.

Lesson Of Gentleness

During my covid sickness, I had a lot of tears. Not of sadness but of the wonder and beauty of life. Especially for gentleness and sweetness that people give each other. Tears for the poems written and the songs sung. Tears for the gentle caress of a baby’s head. Tears for artists who paint colorful canvases. For those who dance. Tears for those too frail to dance. Tears for those who care for others. Tears for music played by people who once young are now long gone. Tears for the sun on weatherworn barn wood and the swallows who live nearby. Tears of love for the gentle meandering streams and deer and trees. For every petrogplygh etched on stone. The preciousness of life which speeds by so fast. How just outside my window is magic that I too often ignore.

I identify with my intellect and my ability to “do” things. I deeply fear loosing these things. Yet there is something that we can never loose, something timeless. Something more valuable than all other possessions. It is loving gentleness.

To listen to another person. To truly behold another person. To touch with grounding hands. To give without ever expecting anything in return. To feel the joy in another person as your own joy.

To accept another person for as they are without trying to change them. To lay down all aggression, all persuasion, all sharpness.

To be centered in love in all interactions. What does this mean?

Can you feel love in your heart? Love in your body? To understand that we have within ourselves an inner child – around 6 year old – each with our own fears and pains.

Lift up those around you above you but without denigrating yourself. Always choose the path that gives power, sovereignty and autonomy to the people.

What is the path for greatest harmony? Choose that path.

Take time to be gentle with yourself. Be kind. Sit in a meadow. Make yourself tea. Write a letter. Dance, or hum, or roll around. Go watch the mountains touch the clouds. Watch what happens when the sun sets upon a juniper tree. The beauty of all things around us can be seen with fresh eyes. Taste, smell, feel and touch the world around us.

When was the last time you watched ants make their journey? Or looked for four leaf clovers? When was the last time you skipped along your path? Or climbed a tree? I don’t want to forget these things.

How precious life is. Everything is how it has to be right now. Every day we can hold love in our heart a little more. What do you love? Who do you love? There doesn’t need to be a reason why.

The truth is always simple yet so often we think it can’t be that simple.


Love is the solution.

Being centered in Love is the definition of a fulfilled life.

You never know when someone is having a hard time. We keep ourselves so strong on the outside. We don’t want to belabor others. And for this reason, give compassionate kindness to all who cross your path … you may never know how important it may be to them.

When my strength is taken away,

All I can give is gentleness.

When my sharpness becomes clouded,

All I can do is accept.

When my logic quiets,

All I can do is Love.

Big Magic: Creative Ideas As Entities

The premise of the book, “Big Magic”, is that creative ideas are like separate entities who go around knocking on people’s doors. Most people reject them, but some people actually open their door to let them in. Alas if you ignore them and try to come back to them in a year, it is likely they moved on to another person.

I very much resonate with this because I have long viewed creative inspiration as catching a wave while surfing. If you don’t act fast and catch a wave in the moment, then you loose it and probably won’t get it back. This is why I have pocket paper all the time – so I can record inspiration in the moment. This is also why I honor creative inspiration even if I have to stay up late into the night to get is done, otherwise the next day it might leave me.

I also believe intuition, synchronicity and premonition are also similar to separate entities. The more you honor and acknowledge and work with them the more they flow to you. It is as if the word gets out in the creative magic entity world that you are easy to work with and have an open door.

Dreams are also this way. The more you make a point to remember and record them, the easier they come and the more vivid they become.

This is why it is important to record, acknowledge and work with even small ideas and seemingly inconsequential magic. These small and inconsequential things might be part of larger magic. They might be a single word in a sentence or paragraph of magic. A single word doesn’t hold much weight, but when you begin tying words together they form a larger picture.

Creative ideas and magical happenings are a lot like dreams. If you don’t record them soon after experiencing them, they fade away and cannot be retrieved.

Similarly our memory fades quickly. By keeping record of ideas and magic, it allows you to make meaningful associations even years later as you re-read your record.

How to always be complete (ABC) – especially on projects that can’t be finished in one day.

  • When speaking – especially something which takes time to describe – ask the listener permission to speak so as to not be rushed. Do they have time to listen? Be complete after speaking.
  • Start with a plan – a clear enough plan that anyone can follow it.
  • Always put tools away at the end of the day. Always clean workspace at the end of day.
  • Minimize unnecessary handling of materials. For example, instead of throwing trash in piles, throw directly in garbage.
  • Label, organize and document parts so anyone could continue the project. Keep fasteners in labeled bags.
  • For complex things, document how you go there – especially software like ableton, rhino and video editing. You might forget how you did a complex task when you try it again months or years later. In other words, make a quick reference manual on the steps and tools to complete complex tasks.
  • Contain projects in boxes, files, boundaries or zones. Try to contain project space compactly. For example, car parts be stored in the car. Minimize spread!
  • Minimize distractions and new projects till current projects are completed.
  • However, if multiple projects are in-progress, make sure to regularly acknowledge, communicate and work on these projects; this includes scheduling long blocks of work time to complete.
  • Some longstanding projects which have lost passion can become a drain on resources and attention. Either finish, delegate, sell or just remove from list forever.
  • Keep the whole in mind. Don’t over-develop one area at the expense of others. Imagine a drawing where the whole composition develops over time. Similarly, always consider how one thing relates to other things, especially the whole. What enhances the main vision versus distracts?
  • Allow for spaciousness. Spaciousness of time. Reduction of distraction. Minimization of clutter.
  • Set milestones for large projects.
  • If a project can be completed in one day or weekend, then don’t take longer to finish. Finish project promptly.
  • Anticipate all materials and parts to reduce delays.

Spontaneous Sigil I Painted On Ground

From top to bottom.

Antenna of reception and transmission activated. Pure signal in all directions. The radio station of Joseph is now unimpeded. Radiation as the sun. And all that the sun manifests. Radiation of being. Radiation of creativity. Radiation of living divine purpose. Spiral of life and time. Non linear. Jumping paths. Jumping timelines. Gestalts of manifestation. Translation. A seed sprouting. A flower blooming. Power. Energy.

Horizon line of above and below. Inside and outside. The membrane separating past and future. Polarities and where they meet.

Ripples of effect outward. Waves of influence and impact and inspiration. Groundedness. Electrical groundedness. Grounded to source. Roots and seeds. Depth. Time for manifestation. Balance. Seeds. Deeper. Spiral of deep soul. Cocoon. Warmth. Darkness. Simplicity. Deeper than sub-conscious. Pointing yet deeper. Heart beyond heart. Existence beyond existence. Expansion. Hum and crackle of energy. Humming vibrations like in a power line. Humming vibration of blood coursing through veins. Of rivers coursing through channels. Of roots growing deeper.

Completeness. Pointing toward the next

Organizing and Spirituality

We don’t normally think of personal organization being a key to spirituality. Indeed what comes to mind is ephemeral but enlightened people sitting on a rock wearing white robes meditating.

But white robes always get dirty once you start working.

Also it’s easy to be spiritual when you have renounced the life of our modern society. It’s easy if you are a monk. It’s easy if you live in a beautiful peaceful place. It’s easy if

But try being compassionate, patient and self-aware while dealing with traffic, delays, challenging people, a mountain of tasks and the other features of our modern society.

Those who maintain grounded center during that are the true spiritual masters.

Rather I believe in the adage “You start your spiritual journey chopping wood and carrying water; you end your journey chopping wood and carrying water”. Living a practical effective life is part of being spiritual. But by not having a system to offload our brains, then our overwhelmed consciousness no longer have capacity for creativity, relaxation and flow.

These systems involve writing stream of consciousness, maintaining sensible lists / schedules / projects, and having your stuff in the appropriate place.

I believe the essence of feng shui (spirituality of space) is simply reducing clutter and putting the things in the right places and containers. This allows energy to flow and consciousness to breath.

Twenty Minutes To Change Your Life

What other things that people could do in twenty minutes out of the day?

For people in romantic relationship, giving a massage or being intentionally intimate doing something like slow sex would work wonders. For those who admire beauty, do some kind of art for twenty minutes. Perhaps drawing, sculpting, painting, music, dance, sewing. For those with chaos, sit. For those with fog, write. For those who are ungrounded, be nature. For those who lack health, cook and exercise. For those with business, do broad visioning planning to see the picture. For athletes, visualize. For those who are too busy, delegate and prioritize. For those with anger, run. For those with sadness, comfort. For those with depression, lay in the grass under the sun. For those who have become callus, observe. For those who are tired, sleep. For those who lack inspiration, read a book.

The answers are always simple and obvious. It is important to remember that. The problem is stepping out of mindless habit that does not consider nor allow for the realization of the answer. Very often this is the habit of haste. The habit of multi-tasking. The habit of distractions.