Here is a transcription of a “Death Letter” that came to me as stream of consciousness in a hypnagogic state while in bed about a year ago. I posted the audio recording on youtube.
What would that letter say to all the people whom I love when my physical body no longer exists?
The first thing I would say is,
that I love you.
Very deeply.
In totality.
I love you.
I love every bit of you.
I love your body.
I love your soul.
I love your mind.
I love your heart.
I love your emotions.
I love the way you interact with the world,
your personality,
the words you use,
and the times of which you are silent.
I love when you are waking,
and I love when you are sleeping.
I love you in all seasons.
Bu I most especially love you when you are…
when you are having a hard time.
I most especially love you when you have doubt of the future or regrets of the past.
When you feel your own pain and sorrow. The cracks in who you are.
I love you.
I love you from the aesthetic of wabi sabi,
where I honor all imperfections as beauty.
I love you.
I love you in such a way that brings tears to my eyes.
With that love,
I can never go away.
Because love is the the essential energy of existence.
Love.
It is the thing that transforms periodic elements into life itself.
Love is God.
Love is the invisible that animates everything.
Love is what allows us to exist.
And so with the amount of love I have for you…
I am in the ocean.
We, in these physical bodies, are simply waves on top of the ocean.
Simply drops of water in a waterfall.
We come from the same source.
And we end in the same source.
I want you to know that I am around you
and inside of you.
I want you to know that I am the clouds.
Shifting shapes.
You can know me by watching the clouds.
You can know me by listening to the wind and feeling the wind kiss your face.
I am the wind.
You can know me by having your bare feet on the ground.
Foundation. Solidness. Ground reference.
I am the soil.
You can know me as the seasons.
The seasons are as my emotions.
Rise and fall.
I am the seasons.
I am the moon watching.
Always watching.
I am the moon.
I am the birds. And especially the ravens, crows and bluejays.
I am especially those birds.
I am the magpie.
I am in the sky.
And I like to laugh.
I like to make jokes.
I like to play and I am curious.
I am the birds.
I am the trees rooted deep in the ground.
I am the trees of which you can lean upon.
I ask that you respect the trees.
Honor the trees.
I am the trees.
I am the forest.
I listen through the trees.
I am in words.
I am in all words,
but I am in especially the words of the Tao Te Ching.
I am in the words especially of Walt Whitman’s poetry.
I am in the words of Henry David Thoreau’s books.
I am in those words.
I am in music.
I am in vibration.
I am in song.
I am in chanting.
I am in the song of Santana Soul Sacrifice.
I am in the song of Jimi Hendrix Voodoo Child and Hear my Train Coming.
I am in the song of Chopin.
I am in the song of Erik Satie. Very much.
I am in the song of Jon Hassell.
I am in the song of Miles Davis.
I am in the song of Skip James and John Lee Hooker.
Yes.
I am in that music.
I am in the music of drum circles under bridges and at festivals.
I am in the fire in the center of the circles.
Transmuting, changing and evolving.
I am the old nails holding up the old barns.
I am in the photographs of loved ones past. Long ago.
I am in the window panes. Especially the ones of which the glass is sagging.
I am in the teakettle about to be poured as tea.
I am in lockets.
I am in handmade pottery.
Right inside of it.
I am the frog with a coin in it’s mouth.
I am the two ducks by the door.
I am the color pink.
I am the color green.
I am the color brown.
I am the color orange.
Yes. I am the color red.
And I am the color blue.
I am the night and I am the day.
I am the arrow.
I am the springs dripping from the edges of mountains.
I am in the center of flowers blooming in Spring.
I am the bumblebees doing their dance.
I am in the smell of lilac, and wisteria and rose.
I am many tastes.
But I am especially the taste of Lomatium.
The root of Lomatium columbianum specifically.
I am the taste of Artemeisa tridentata. Sagebrush.
You can see my form in the smoke of sage.
In the smoke of mugwort and cedar.
You can hear my voice in the bubbling of mountain creeks.
You can arrange stones as circles and you will find me in the center of the circle.
You will find me in the waves upon the sand on the beach.
I am emergence of birds.
I am in caves where you can hear your own echo.
I am in intuitions and premonitions and synchronicities. Serendipity.
I am in your heart.
And I am in your heart and in sadness, and in fear, and in anger.
I am in the passenger seat of your car.
I am in the garden.
And like to be tended to.
If you grow fruit and vegetables. You will taste me.
If you mend a fence. You will know me.
If you split wood. You will sense me.
If you stack stones upon each other. You will connect with me.
Yes.
I am the block of wood,
yet uncarved.
I am in the space between…
words.
What they say “reading between the lines”.
I am in the space between zero’s and one’s.
Between life and death.
Between aboveground and underground.
Between this and that.
I am in the edge.
Look for the edge.
You will find me in the edge.
You will find me in the infinitely small.
You will find me in cycles of which are instantaneous.
Yes.
You will find me in living waters in your own eyes.
You can hear me in your own heartbeat. Especially the third beat.
You can hear me in the note of D.
While looking at the color orange.
Find solace that I am around. That I love you.
Find solace that we are around. And we love you.
Love you.
Love.
Take a handful of soil.
Lift it into the air.
And let it sift through your hands.
Take a cube of ice.
Watch it till it melts.
In your hand.
Speak on behalf of those who do not have a voice.
The tree people.
The animal people.
The river people.
The wind people.
You can honor me by honoring nature.
The sacredness of nature.
The sacredness of life.
Honor me by protecting.
Honor me by protecting nature.
Honor me by speaking your truth.
Honor me by inoculating yourself against mind-control.
Honor me by being in integrity.
Honor me with humility and compassion for other things.
Including non-humans.
Honor me by taking part in the finer things in life.
By writing and reading poetry.
By making music.
By having spaciousness.
Honor me by going for a walk.
Every day.
Out in nature.
Honor me by looking into your loved ones eyes.
Honor me by letting go of your fists and opening your hands.
Honor me by bringing forth the creations that are inside of you.
Do not let the creations inside of you die in the grave.
Honor me by listening.
Honor through silence.