All the things of which I thought were great about myself, no longer seem all that great in light of the many other people who are equal or better than me.
Humility is about authenticity. It is about being fully who I many and not trying to be someone I am not. Not trying to be someone I think others want.
Humility is about loving yourself so you can love another.
It is about being present.
Not thinking of past and future.
About laughing from your mistakes and being easy on yourself.
About not hiding nor flaunting yourself.
Humility is about acceptance.
Humility includes self-growth, learning, curiosity, creativity, passion.
Humility is not about performance, competition, or being the best. Not about being the biggest, strongest, longest or “most” anything.
If you write a book, it may not ever be a top seller. It may not sell one copy. But what matters is you wrote a book.
The sculpture you made, may not be famous or most grand. But you made that sculpture.
The music creates may not be a symphony, but you made that music.
The meal you made may not be five star, but you made it.
You may not win the marathon, but you ran the marathon.
What matters in all these things is that you show up fully and be entirely authentic.
It is through authentic humility healing happen. To behold and beheld by another person is akin to having a person really see and hear your most vulnerable parts. To be ashamed of your story. To hide your story. This prevents digestion and will cause permutations that are undesirable. I am but a blade of grass, why should I hide myself. I am but a cloud in the sky, Why should I compare myself. Am I not enough when I am a simple unadorned bird.
Allow myself to be vulnerable. Allow myself to be witnessed. Allow myself to be authentically. And if they laugh. If they judge or ridicule. If they gossip. If I “fail”. If they stray. What does it actually matter? More space for those that love me. I am a blade of grass. The rock broken open. The trees without leaves. I am the child not knowing the difference. Those that own themselves. Those that own and do not hide their pockmarks, stretch marks, crooked noses, grey hair, thinning hair, missing teeth, wrinkles, dirt under their fingernails, their glasses, their wheelchair, those that own their shortness, their freckles, their scars … these are the people I celebrate. For the glow of their authentically inhabiting their body is beautiful. Can we laugh at how seriously we take ourselves? When we are prideful, we exist above ourselves. When we are shameful, we exist askew from ourselves. When we are humble, we exist inside ourselves. Beauty is authenticity. Courage is letting go. Greatness is existence. When I am proud, I differentiate myself from others. In so doing, I cut myself from the collective and block myself from the gifts collective energy offers. I do not take credit for the music or muse that flows through me. My creations are great when I allow the collective flow through me. It is a collaboration of which I can take little credit. When I get out of my own way, then I become a channel, a medium for that which is greater than me to flow. Perhaps “that which is greater than me” is the definition of God. Of course this does not preclude me, it does include me. And so in sexuality, let me get out of my own way. As soon as I try to compose music for my audience, I loose the magic. Akin to writer’s block. I take no credit, but give gratitude. Humility is about gratitude, not entitlement.
Humility is not self-degredaation. Not aimlessness. Not passionless. Not without goals.
Gratitude for my body in any state and function. Start with the most foundational parts. My heart beating blood. My lungs breathing air. My ability to feel texture with my skin. To see, smell, taste, hear. Gratitude for any ability to move at all. Like a strong tea, steep yourself in gratitude so much that you begin to revel existence. Gratitude for all things.
It is true, inadequacy and shame are hard teachers guiding me towards humility. And humility guides me towards getting out of my own way such that I can flow what wants to be channeled. Humility reminds me to be grateful. Gratitude is the antidote to my pain.
Inadequacy and shame transmute to humility and gratitude. Humility and gratitude translates to authenticity and flow.