Month: April 2020

I have become increasingly weary of normal channels of communication. I’ve lost patience for email, text and messages. Now I’ve lost patience for verbal. I deactivated facebook yesterday. Now I sit at a waterfall with rainbows and blue butterflies while wearing a tag saying “I am silent today”.

I can’t help but wonder if people who cannot speak have a deep wisdom and familiarity with other forms of communication. Likewise for blind people.

I am told my eye sight is bad. But perhaps I can observe things without glasses that other people can’t.

~

I have no tolerance for masks, inauthenticity, and virtual “reality”.

I care about what I can experience first hand.

I am generally sharp. I derive identity from my sharpness – particularly intellectually.

As with everything in life – it is a paradox.

My sharpness is my power and weakness.

Everything comes into our life as a lesson / teacher. Especially the challenges.

My non-sharp natural eyesight without glasses is here to teach me something.

It symbolizes existence without sharpness and laser focus. Encouraging to be instead of do. It is about gentleness. It is about observation of a different kind. It is about paying attention to that which is nearest. Let distant concerns and people and situations fade away. Softness.

On my path, I spot a bat which was catching insects adeptly. I stopped to watch this magical bat for a few minutes and now here I am sitting on the trail writing.

What is the symbolism of a bat? Night creatures. They are also about lightness, lack of density, levity.

But perhaps most importantly they observe their reality and environment unlike other creatures … through echo location. Where they “hear” the echo bouncing off objects. Just because they do not “see” well doesn’t mean cannot observe adeptly. Likewise for my own eyes, I can still observe things in a way most others cannot. Likewise I am unusual and often misunderstood sometimes even feared. Bats are particularly underground unmanifested magic. A confirmation of the power of silence.

They seem silent but speak on a different frequency.

Verbal communication obscures more subtle forms of communication.

Verbal communication is the primary expression of ego and non-authentic masks we have adapted.

It categorizes and therefore reduces wisdom of knowing.

It creates opening for others to bullshit, manipulate, and disempower you.

It creates opportunities for miscommunication.

It shuts down emotion, intuition and sensuality.

It distracts from the beauty and medicine of listening and observation.

I just got done hanging with friends around a campfire on their land. Yesterday I wrote extensively about the magical alignments which led me to where I am now. I am existing in some of most profound magic I have ever experienced in life. I ended up telling them my story including all the way back to my first relationship – something I haven’t spoken about for a long time. My memory has begun to fade about the experience. By the end of the multi-hour long story, I had tears. Very grateful for the compassionate listening and space they provided. On the way back a river of dozens of deer (possibly elk) streamed in front of us. It was confirmation of magic as the mostly full moon shone brightly.

While taking a shower around 1am at the workshop, I entered hypnagogia…

I have become a bit underweight and as I felt my face and forehead with my hands I saw my skull from an outsider looking at my “dead” body. I saw my entire skeleton – the last physical remnant to remain after death.

I think / feel about the experience of death. How when transitioning there is so much Love. At the end of life you realize just how much you Love everyone and everything. And they realize how much they Love you. Oh how our Love for life is too often taken for granted.

And the pain people feel after passing. Your shared experience and Love turns to pain from the loss of it. Does that mean we shouldn’t have had shared experience and Love in order to avoid pain? No!

We could live life in complete isolation with no connection and spare people the pain of loosing you. But that is unfulfilling and other people and the world at large would miss the shared experience they could have had with you.

I think about some of the muses in my life and how I resist romance and sensuality with them out of feat of hurting them. There is also the problem with being locked up through commitment or presence of attention such that I cannot give Love to the many other people currently in my life and those not yet arrived.

Even if there is no afterlife or unmanifested etheric consciousness, our existence lives on through the positive influence our mere existence has on other people in rippling effect.

People have emulated my style, dance, self-expression, pocket paper. They have been subtly influenced through osmosis to have respect for Nature, to express their creativity, to listen, to be gentle, to see magic and so many other things I will never know. I inspired / reminded / empowered / evolved / created / manifested in other people through my mere existence and expression.

Thus it is important to take care to be gentle and kind. To cause as much healing as possible so that when I die, my progeny lives on through the souls of people I have “touched” and souls that touch their souls.

This is an afterlife I know exists. For some people they will have kids. For others they will invent new things or litigate on behalf of those without voice. But we all leave a mark on the entire world with every word we speak (or not) and every action we do (or not).

Even if we lived for 120 years … or 1,200 years … life is short. Even as a supposed young person, I see the sand of time slip through my fingers with such increasing haste I no longer fear the inevitable.

Lomatium – which I have been taking – has been powerful medicine. It has magically entered my life in such alignment. It has shifted my perception to witness and exist in the most profound magic. I fear I cannot go back. I exist as a new way of being.

Today is day two of an entire body rash caused by Lomatium. It is said this is a one time rash which is a detox as the skin rids itself of waste and dead viruses and fungus. It is also a detox and ridding the body of negative emotions, stagnation, blocks and trauma … I feel it has revealed the incredible path that destiny guides me to.

Life is short.

We live through the progeny of the effect we have on other beings through our existence.

A log on the fire lights another log and in turn another. Not long after, the original log is only ashes, but it’s fire still exists.

Every one of us is the first log. And when we are ashes, our fire still burns.